


Rose Scent Breeze

by Cheol_Apple



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jicheol, M/M, Not Beta Read, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22507774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheol_Apple/pseuds/Cheol_Apple
Summary: Something about his gesture must have made Jihoon intrigued. Intrigued enough to leave the grand piano and walk to him. The crowd parts, and naturally, some started whispering, talking about them. Seungcheol couldn't care less. He wasn't sure that there would ever be a "them" again, and here he was, a thorn among the roses. Or maybe the only rose among the thorns. The cloying scent threatens to overwhelm him again, and with Jihoon's eyes set on him, it's all he can do to stay put.Jihoon-ah. You're here. Why? I missed you...
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 13





	Rose Scent Breeze

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally for another fandom, but i retrofitted it to Seventeen for reasons i will not say~ JeongCheol is my otp, but if otp wreckers exist, JiCheol would be it for me~  
> Inspired by Red Velvet's Rose Scent Breeze, aka my favorite song from them~ i didn't know the song was so tragic and sad so i just had to make something~
> 
> Other song I listened to, to make myself feel sadder ahahah:  
> * BoA - Spring Rain  
> * Im Seulong ft. Joy - Always In My Heart  
> * Taeyeon - Fine
> 
> (i just belatedly realized these are all either by SM artists or from SM Station looool SMTown ftw)

Two things greet Seungcheol as he enters the function hall.

First, the smell of roses, bombarding him almost immediately.

Then, the musical strains of a piano, played criminally beautifully, almost drowned out by the crowd's conversation.

Seungcheol can hear it anyway, thanks to being next to someone who played it for so long...

Damn. He didn't think he would still be able to do it.

Jeonghan looks at him from his side, obviously observing his every reaction. He couldn't tell whether he was worried or curious. Probably both.

"Really sorry about this again," he whispered once more. "I really couldn't find anyone else on short notice, and I knew you had a suit of your own--"

"It's fine," He forced a smile, and Jeonghan smiled in return. "I had nothing planned anyway."

"On a Friday like this? You've got to be joking. You're quite the chick magnet."

"Heh. If you say so." There was some truth to his words. Seungcheol had a slew of admirers, both male and female. Occasionally he dated them.

But his heart had always been atttracted to someone else...

"Let's find a seat, alright?" Jeonghan tugged him closer, as they elbowed through the people who still stood among the finely arranged tables. "Then I have to go greet the guest of honor."

"Ah, right. Twenty-fifth birthday, right?"

" _Twenty-fourth_." The younger corrected him. "You'd think someone that young wouldn't be so touchy with age just yet, but, well... Soonyoungie's something else."

"How did you and Soonyoung even meet?"

"Ethics class." They found a table that was still unoccupied, nearer to where the music was playing. It was now clear to Seungcheol that the music was being played live, rather than recorded. It sounded rougher, somehow, but that made it more beautiful. "Sure you'll be fine on your own?"

"Of course I'll be." Seungcheol smiled again, relieved he found it easier to do now. "But don't you have to bring your plus one to the introductions?"

"Nah." Jeonghan waved his suggestion away. "He's got the attention span of a hummingbird. It'll be useless."

"Don't hummingbirds spend long amounts of time sucking on a single flower?"

"Stop correcting me." He playfully nudged his shoulder, before placing his purse on the seat beside him. "Be back soon."

He watched Jeonghan leave, blond hair making him stand out from the throng of people. In another world, he would've liked to date him. He knew Jeonghan felt the same. But he made a good friend regardless.

Besides, as had been mentioned before, his heart had someone else in mind.

Seungcheol took a champagne flute from a passing waiter, drinking half of it in a single gulp, the bubbles both quelling and burning something within him. For some reason, the rose scent wouldn't leave him, an underlying atmosphere that was almost tangible. And the music.

When _he_ left, Seungcheol thought he'd still be able to listen to such things and still find it nice. But it was quite different. Sure, he still found the music beautiful, impressive, even, but a part of his heart pinched—tiny pinpricks of pain that individually would've meant nothing, but altogether, pressed a sort of anguish in his heart that he couldn’t ignore.

 _That_ kind of anguish bloomed its way into his heart again, even in such a mundane a situation like this. He was tempted to touch his chest, attempt to rub the pain away. If such a thing was even possible.

Instead he looked around, trying to distract himself from the whirlpool of emotions trying to drown him. People over there. Flowers (more roses) over here. From the far corner of the room, he can barely glean Jeonghan, talking to another man with silvery hair and adorably slanted eyes. That must be Soonyoung...

"Amazing pianist, isn't he?"

"Truly! I wonder where Soonyoung got him. I asked and he wasn't part of a band or orchestra..."

"Self-made. How even more impressive."

"It gets better. Apparently he didn't even start training until college. College. Can you imagine?"

Seungcheol found himself leaning in discreetly, listening to the conversation just to his left. Two women, slightly older than him, were holding champagne flutes and talking.

"Nana-unnie, you must be joking. No pianist can get that good, so fast."

"Ah, but raw talent... Raw talent can't be faked," Nana pointed out. "It's a good thing he was still able to hone his ability before it was too late."

"How late is too late?"

"He was on his third year. Law, I think. Broke down and left to audition for performing arts. The rest is history."

Seungcheol's breath left him in a shuddering gasp. It... It couldn't be...

"I heard he left everything behind for his music. Family, friends... He even had a _boyfriend_."

 _No, not a boyfriend_ , Seungcheol corrected silently. He wasn't brave enough to call me that. And I was stupid enough to take that for granted.

"Still, the commitment... You've got to appreciate that. Maybe I'll invite him to perform at my next party, get him a few gigs. The Pledis Philharmonic Orchestra could use somone like him... What's his name, again?"

"You forget too quickly sometimes, Raina-ssi."

Unbeknownst to him, Seungcheol's muscles tensed.

"He's Lee Jihoon, or at least, that's what Soonyoung told me..."

That's it. Seungcheol couldn't keep it in anymore.

With a barely concealed restlessness, he pushed his chair back and stood, mindless of how Nana and Raina looked at him in slight surprise. He bowed quickly in apology before plunging into the crowd again, determined to find the source of the music.

All of a sudden, the crowd of people was less like a maze and more of a map. A map that led straight to him, and only him.

_Jihoonie..._

He was also at a corner of the room sitting by a majestic grand piano, and he was lost in his performance, his hands moving in complete abandon. His eyes were almost closed, and despite his rigid posture, Seungcheol could tell the subtle points in his body that said the musician was more relaxed than people thought—the curve of his shoulder, the soft tapping of his feet, the movement of his fingers from chord to chord.

And yet, this Jihoon was also a stranger. His face was thinner, the cheekbones sharper than he was used to. His knuckles were bonier; he has probably practiced one too many times. His clothes were a lot fancier than Seungcheol was used to seeing, the suit fit him as though it was custom-made. Though, thinking back on the gossip he heard and at how famous Jihoon apparently was, it very well could be. His hair was used to be a soft light brown, Jihoon insisted on dyeing it every so often, but now it was midnight black, chopped short. It was something Seungcheol wasn't used to.

This _entire person_ was someone Seungcheol wasn't used to.

___________________

_"You've stayed up all night practicing again, didn't you?"_

_Seungcheol looked at Jihoon with an accusatory smirk. The bags under those feline eyes bore witness to Jihoon's activity. And if those didn't, then the extra huge mug of coffee in his hands did. Honestly, the elder wanted to smack him upside the head, and berate him for not getting enough sleep, but he also knew how much music meant to this guy. Law and music did not mix, this much they both already knew. Still, Jihoo snuck in hours of practicing, composing, playing in between all their projects and lectures, on his beat-up, secondhand keyboard. His commitment was something Seungcheol deeply appreciated._

_He was now just starting to wonder whether that commitment was in the right place._

_"I'll be fine, hyung," Jihoon muttered after a sip of coffee. "I'll live."_

_"I don't think that should be the bare minimum," Seungcheol shrugged. "You'll run yourself ragged, eventually, if you aren't already. You've got to take care of yourself, Jihoonie."_

_"How thoughtful," Jihoon mused. "But really, Cheol-hyung... I'm fine. Just let me finish this, and I'll go get ready."_

_Seungcheol frowned, but he knew pushing it wasn't going to work on his favor._

_"Alright," He said simply. And quickly, before he lost his nerve, he wrapped his arms around Jihoon, hugging him tightly but briefly. The musician smelled like varnish and coffee. He also felt like a puzzle piece that fit perfectly into Seungcheol's arms, but he wasn't going to dwell on that. He let go before the other could react, muttering a "See ya" before heading back to their shared room._

_Only then did he press his palm to his chest, willing the frantic heart to stop, stop feeling so excited._

_Stop feeling this way._

_Stop feeling, in general._

___________________

_"Hyung? Cheollie, wake up."_

_Seungcheol looked up groggily to see Jihoon standing in front of him, umbrella opened. Then he looked behind Jihoon. Rain had started falling, loud and dissonant. He had no idea how he missed it._

_"Did you wait for me all night long? You shouldn't have," The musician admonished him. "I had no idea the workshop was going to take that long, I'm sorry--"_

_"--And let you travel all the way back to the dorm alone? This late? Not a chance," Seungcheol stood up to join him under the umbrella, leaving the waiting shed of the auditorium. He was a lot taller than Jihoon, but due to the musician's grip, the umbrella made it seem that they were a whole lot closer and face to face. As though the only things that existed were them and the rain._

_"It's not safe for you to be out and about like this," Seungcheol murmured. "Especially when our college is like, three hours away. It's seven-thirty, Jihoonie. And we have our midterms tomorrow. What were you thinking?"_

_"I—" Jihoon began, before heaving a weary sigh. "I know, hyung... I'm sorry."_

_"This is getting really irresponsible, Jihoon." The rain grew steadily stronger the longer they stood there, puddles growing wider. Seungcheol can feel the water lapping around his sneakers. "Something's got to give."_

_Jihoon frowned. "Well maybe that something should be _you_. I know what I'm doing with my life, Seungcheol. You're the one who keeps pestering me about what I should and shouldn’t do. Waiting up for me when you could have stayed home and studied. Staying up secretly to find out when I sleep. Don't deny it," He cut in before the older could retort. "I know you do."_

_"Only because I'm worried about you," Seungcheol insisted._

_"You don't have to be,"_

_"It's something I can't help but do."_

_"And why not," Jihoon stepped closer to Seungcheol, the thin pole of the umbrella the final barrier between them. Despite the twilight, Seungcheol can see Jihoon's features perfectly, that haunting face, that glossy dark hair, those eyes themselves whose sienna hue was clouded over in some emotion he can't interpret._

_"Why not, Seungcheol? Why can't you help but worry about me?"_

_There it was again, the rapid paces of his heart, roaring in his ear like a rhythm threatening to take sway._

_He can say it. He can confess right then and there. It's easy enough to pronounce._

_I love you. I've loved you for as long as I've known you._

_But as to whether those words would find their place in Jihoon's heart, he couldn't even begin to guess._

_He must've hesitated one moment too long because Jihoon was now pulling back, a soft derisive laugh falling from his lips._

_"Am I that pitiful? Do I really look that miserable?"_

_"Do you pity me, hyung?"_

_That was enough to shake him out of his stupor._

_"What—Hoonie—no! I mean, yes, you look miserable, but, hey—wait..." Seungcheol stumbled both on his feet and words as he tried to bring Jihoon back to him, because he didn't want them to bicker and because he can already feel the raindrops wetting his back. "Jihoonie, I don't pity you. In fact, I admire you."_

_"Admire?" The musician raised a brow at him._

_"Yes. Admire." Seungcheol confirmed. "Not a lot of people have the determination to pursue what you pursue. You have never lost passion in your dreams and you have a lot of nerve and ambition to be doing what you're doing right now. But even the best of people can overexert themselves; expend too much energy that they could just keel over. I don't want that happening to you, Jihoonie. I don't want that to happen to my best friend."_

_There. That was the closest he could ever go. The line ended there, wrapped around him like chains._

_For a moment, they stood there, regarding each other. Only now Seungcheol felt like they've been tugged back to reality. The rain has soaked through his shoes. The auditorium has turned on their external lights, and they cast a foggy glow through the downpour. In this light, they only proved to Seungcheol even more that Jihoon's heart was inscrutable. That he would never really unlock this man. That all he had was his incessant worrying and wishful thinking._

_"I see."_

_Jihoon's voice cut through the silence like a knife. He exhaled, as though that statement had taken something out of him. "Let's go home, hyung." He slipped his hand into the elder's, the grip shy yet sure._

_"Wait," Seungcheol held him back with equal measure, grateful for even this gesture. Even if this was all he can hope for._

_"Promise me you'll take care yourself, at least?"_

_The words slipped out before he could do anything else, words of love, of concern, that he disguised poorly._

_Jihoon smirked at him. "Why would I when I've got you?"_

_"I do hope you're joking."_

_"In a way, yes... But also no," The musician squeezed his hand timidly. "I...I'm lucky to have you, Seungcheollie. Even if you're annoying sometimes. At least I know someone's looking out for me..."_

_Seungcheol smiled softly. "At least promise not to leave me, then. So I can nag and worry about you more."_

_More disguised words. How many could he say before Jihoon discovered his heart?_

_"I promise. You're all I have, anyway." Jihoon smiled, gentle and soft, one that he doesn't show easily._

_If only he were braver and smarter with his words. He wouldn't have to hold back. He wouldn't have to worry._

_He wouldn't have to do nothing while Jihoon tried to leave._

___________________

A final note emanated from the piano, and the closest people near Jihoon started to clap. Seungcheol did as well, albeit softly, still trying to remain unseen. They were right, though, he had improved immensely. There was a time Jihoon had been _remarkably_ clueless, the instrument a mere plaything in his hands. But that had all but changed now. He looked so natural with it, like he was born to play. No one who knew him would've guessed that he only started formal training five years ago.

Jihoon bowed gracefully to the crowd, a soft smile playing on his lips, and Seungcheol felt jealous, cheated. That was _his_ smile, he used to be the only one who can bring it out of him. And now it was out in the open. Had he changed, really? More than Seungcheol thought? In so short a timespan?

Maybe Jihoon had already forgotten him? Forgot his best friend for who knew how long? Forgot their secret jokes, shenanigans, adventures?

All the times Seungcheol pestered him? How Jihoon nagged him back?

Forgot how Jihoon used to get nightmares and Seungcheol rubbed his back to get him back to sleep?

How Seungcheol was scared of syringe needles and always brought Jihoon along for every single medical test he had?

That night, in the rain, where Seungcheol accepted his boundary?

That one _other_ night, sitting on the cold, tiled, floor, when Jihoon crossed that boundary one last time?

A tear pooled at the edge of Seungcheol's left eye. He flicked it away before anyone else noticed.

And like a timer that ran out, Jihoon noticed him at that exact same moment.

___________________

Their eyes met, sizzled in pain, did not look away.

Seungcheol did not know what to expect, how to react. A part of him still insisted that Jihoon had already forgotten him. Another argued that he could still hope, that the musician would know him and everything would be okay again.

Seungcheol thinks that part ought to recalibrate or something.

His hopes aren't unfounded, however, because Jihoon's eyes light up in recognition almost immediately. In fact, more than that, really. Jihoon seems astonished to see him. In alarm or in delight, Seungcheol can't tell yet. But the musician hadn't forgotten him. He forced himself to be happy with that. The pinpricks of pain skittered across his heart again, and this time, he didn't even bother hiding, pressing his palm against his chest.

Something about his gesture must have made Jihoon intrigued. Intrigued enough to leave the grand piano and walk to him. The crowd parts, and naturally, some started whispering, talking about them. Seungcheol couldn't care less. He wasn't sure that there would ever be a "them" again, and here he was, a thorn among the roses. Or maybe the only rose among the thorns. The cloying scent threatens to overwhelm him again, and with Jihoon's eyes set on him, it's all he can do to stay put.

_Jihoon-ah. You're here. Why? I missed you..._

The musician stops a few feet away from him, suddenly unsure of how to approach. Seungcheol forced himself to move, to close the distance between them, and within seconds, they are face to face once again. After five years.

He had selfishly practiced how their conversation would be if they ever met again, but now that seemed childish, immature.

"J-Jihoon. Hi..."

"Seungcheol..." Jihoon ran his hand through his hair. "I didn't expect you'd be here."

"I didn't expect to find you here, either."

"... How've you been?" Jihoon's tone was casual. Like Seungcheol was just a friend from work.

"Alright, I guess. You?"

"Yeah... I'm fine too..."

"I heard you've become really successful. Congratulations."

"Thanks. It wasn't easy."

"Still..." Seungcheol timidly put a hand on Jihoon's shoulder, slightly alarmed at how this once-friendly gesture felt so alien now. "... I'm proud of you. Really."

Jihoon smiled again, and Seungcheol felt weirdly lucky to have seen it twice. "I wouldn't have had the courage to pursue it if you weren't there."

 _Except I wasn't_. Maybe Seungcheol was there to see him off, but he didn't see Jihoon as the other grew and changed into this almost stranger in front of him. The pain picks up again, stabs with every heartbeat, and for a single second, he wished that they could go back to when they were just fumbling teenagers, stumbling through college, with no one to rely on but each other. When Seungcheol wasn't sure of where he stood with Jihoon, but he was sure of how he felt and where Jihoon stood with him.

Funny how five years can jostle where you stand until you're nowhere near at all.

"Yeah, that," Seungcheol said instead. His thumb absently stroked the plane of Jihoon's shoulder, and the musician looked at him inquisitively. "You know, Jihoon... I really missed—"

"Hey!" A familiar voice cuts in, and Seungcheol quickly removed his hand. He turned to see Jeonghan rushing to him, the silver-haired guy close behind. He'd never wanted to throttle him more than this instant. "I've been looking for you. You weren't where I left you," He pouted, and Seungcheol forced a smile again.

"Sorry, I just saw one of my old friends. We did some catching up."

"Really?" Jeonghan looked at Jihoon appreciatively. "That's great! At least you don't have to keep to yourself for the rest of this party, right? I'm Jeonghan," he stuck his hand out to Jihoon, who reluctantly shook it.

"I'm Jihoon."

"Anyway," He tugged on the man behind him. "You were right, apparently plus ones also need to be introduced to the celebrant. Soonyoung, Seungcheol. Seungcheol, Sooyoung."

Soonyoung came closer to him. His silver hair was luminous, and his eyes truly was specially slanted, almost like a cat's. His smile was wide and infectious, and he stood out from all the roses in the room with his blue suit. Seungcheol wondered if he was styled that way, or if the room was affected by his cheerfulness and decided to adjust.

"Nice to meet you, Soonyoung," Seungcheol took the man's hand and shook it. "Happy Birthday."

"Why, thank you," Soonyoung grinned. "Jeonghannie, you didn't tell me your boyfriend was so handsome! You've been holding out on me!"

"He's not my boyfriend! Cheol's just doing me a favor," Jeonghan nudged the celebrant, who just snickered.

"Well, do _me_ a favor and pin him down already! If you don't I will," Soonyoung smiled mischievously. "That is, if you don't mind a third party, Jihoon-ah."

"W-what...?" Seungcheol meant to say it out loud, but it came out so hoarsely, he could barely hear it himself.

"Ah," Jeonghan smiled at Jihoon warmly as the younger slipped past Seungcheol to stand beside Soonyoung. As he did so, the elder swore he felt his heart drop itself onto the floor. "You didn't tell me you—"

"Oh my gosh! I totally forgot! How stupid of me!" Soonyoung reached up to fix some imperfection on Jihoon's suit. "You'll have to forgive me, babe."

_Babe?_

"No harm done," Jihoon smiled at him tenderly. Sweeter than any smile Seungcheol had known. The one he saw the night Jihoon broke wasn't even that close...

"Why don't you tell your friends now?"

"You're too kind to me," Soonyoung finally turned to Jeonghan and Seungcheol.

"This is Jihoon...

... My fiance."

___________________

_Seungcheol swore he heard sobbing from inside Jihoon's room, but he was too anxious to come inside. After twenty rounds of pacing back and forth, the crinkled reviewer waving uselessly from his hand, he finally knocked on the musician's room._

_"Hoonie? Everything okay?"_

_A moment. Then "Go away."_

_With Jihoon,_ go away _usually meant_ I really want you to go away, but that means I probably need intervention now more than ever.

_Seungcheol swung the door open to see Jihoon sitting on the floor, amidst his textbooks and papers, a reviewer of his own in his grip. The keyboard case was lovingly propped up in the corner, a composing notebook was open on the bed, sheet music carefully stacked beside it. But everything else... Everything else was chaos. Even Jihoon himself looked chaotic—tear streaks have made moist tracks down his eyes, his cheeks were red and blotchy. His hair was more mussed up than usual, like he spent half the night tearing through it. His lips were puffy and red—probably from the crying, and Seungcheol scolded himself for thinking of how alluring it looked._

_"Should I come back at a better time? Probably cleaner?"_

_Jihoon only sighed. "I can't find my calculator."_

_The calculator was right on his study table._

_"You're a bad liar, Jihoon." Seungcheol shook his head in disappoinment, carefully picking his way through the mess and picking the calculator up. "A good student, and musician... But a bad liar."_

_"I'll take that as a compliment," Jihoon shrugged._

_"I'm serious," Seungcheol swept some of the papers away to sit beside him, concerned. "What's wrong?"_

_Jihoon hung his head, covering his face with his hands. "I don't think I can do this anymore."_

_"What? Study?"_

_"You know perfectly what."_

_Finish law. Finish college._

_"But... Don't be ridiculous! There's only one year left."_

_"One more ridiculous year where I have to pretend." The musician turned to face him, umber eyes full of despair. "I'm so tired of pretending, Cheol. Tired of pretending I belong here. That I'm happy with what I do. I thought I could be... I was only prolonging the lie."_

_"This isn't what I should be doing. This isn't my dream."_

_Seungcheol huffed. "We all have dreams we can't pursue, Jihoon." The unreachability of the man just beside him proved that._

_"But what if someone gave you a means to grasp it? Wouldn't you drop everything for it?"_

_"Well... Yes, I would, but—“_

_"I thought I could be strong enough to stay until finals, but I can't deny myself what I want anymore. And this... This is the opposite of what I want." He gestured to all papers around him. "When we're at class, I still find myself composing music at the back of my notes. When we research things, I find myself looking for songs and artists to practice. And just this morning..." Jihoon sighed, the breath filled with shame. "I skipped our morning classes and went to a performing arts school."_

_Seungcheol held his breath. "And?"_

_"They're willing to let me audition. If I do it within next month, and I pass, I can start next semester."_

_Seungcheol's heart was petrified for a moment, then it willed itself to beat, as though it just remembered it had a soul to keep alive._

_"Oh."_

_"Do... Do you hate me?"_

_"How—how can I hate you? I could never hate you. Jihoon.. This is really good for you! I'd support you in whatever you do, you know that? Are you still doubting your choice?"_

_"Don't you think if I leave now... You have a point, you know. I only have one year left. I could finish law, then go back and audition. I shouldn't just throw away every effort I did. Every effort my loved ones made just to bring me to this point. I can't let them down."_

_Seungcheol leaned in. "So you'll bring yourself down instead?"_

_Jihoon's eyes watered, and he looked away. A tear slowly rolled down from his right eye, and Seungcheol thumbed it away, before he even realized what he did._

_"Don't beat yourself up, Jihoonie. Your life is wholly yours, and so is this decision. What's one month compared to twelve? You might be throwing away three years' worth of study, and yeah, I would definitely miss you..." He felt lucky his voice didn't crack at that. "... But you won't have this opportunity again. That's what you're thinking, aren't you?"_

_A period of silence, and the musician’s head dipped in a resigned nod. "Once I graduate, the rest of my life will be planned out for me. I just want to make music."_

_Seungcheol sighed. "Then go do it. I won't stop you."_

_Jihoon faced him again at that, water pooling in those beautiful eyes once more. "You've always been kind to me, hyung, haven't you?"_

_"Yep, that's me." He ignored the silent cracking of his heart, at the thought of Jihoon leaving him. Probably for good._

_"But... I made a promise, didn't I? I promised I wouldn't leave. And here I am, deciding to do just that." Jihoon sighed as well. "How are you so alright with this?"_

_"Because..." Seungcheol found himself cupping Jihoon's cheek, soft as clouds, his palm pressing firmer when he realized Jihoon wasn't flinching away. "...I told you, I could never hate you."_

_"S-Seungcheol..." Jihoon began, before trailing off. Instead he put his hand over Seungcheol's, keeping it in place. Tilting his head slightly, he kissed the lines across Seungcheol's palm._

_All rational thought left Seungcheol's mind._

_Then Jihoon kissed his pulse. He lifted the hand from his face and kissed the fingertips._

_Just when Seungcheol was going to pull away, Jihoon tugged on his arm and kissed him._

_Wrong. Wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how his heart was supposed to be revealed, especially since he already knows how it's going to end. This kiss wasn't going to change anything, fix anything. It was not going keep Jihoon by his side any more than a broken umbrella can stop a storm._

_But you've got to take what you can._

_Seungcheol's other arm wrapped around Jihoon, bringing him even closer. Around them, books fold, papers crumple, pages rip from their quick movements, but he found himself caring lesser and lesser by the second. Jihoon lets go of Seungcheol's hand, combing through the raven strands, and Seungcheol does the same to his brown hair. Neither one willing to let go._

_They both do, anyway, minutes later, and Jihoon's eyes are misty. A sweet, agonized smile tugged at his lips, still red from the kiss. He's never looked more like a mess, and Seungcheol also thought he never looked more handsome._

_"Thank you," Jihoon whispered. "And I'm sorry."_

_That wasn't what Seungcheol wanted to hear, but he knew that was all he would ever get._

___________________

_Fiance._

_Fiance._

_Fiance._

Seungcheol was half-tempted to browse through a dictionary, search the word's definition, maybe he remembered wrong, maybe the word meant different to what he knew.

_Jihoon is engaged._

_Jihoon is going to get married._

_Jihoon loves someone else._

The words affixed themselves onto his mind, like a negative mantra, or perhaps a really debilitating spell. Beside him, Jeonghan clapped in excitement, and he's pretty sure he did too, although his hands felt numb. Actually, everything felt numb.

His heart most of all.

"We met only two years ago," Soonyoung grinned. "We were schoolmates at music school, but I never really noticed him. Then we met again when he performed at my sister's wedding, and he was amazing."

"You came to me after the show and I tried to hide from you," Jihoon teased him.

"Did I really look that stalkerish?" The silver-haired man laughed.

"No, I just couldn't believe someone that beautiful would be looking for me."

"Ick," Jeonghan said. "Save some of the cheese for later, you guys!"

"You're just jealous," Soonyoung replied as Jihoon held him close, a hand wrapping around him shoulder. His eyes traveled back to Seungcheol, and he avoided them, afraid of what the musician might see in them. They've only been just reunited, and already he feels like an open book, his emotions ready to burst any minute. To have someone you've always loved teased in front of you and taken away the next possible second... What kind of universe would willingly make such a punishment? What kind of fate did he have to acquire for this kind of story to play?

"Well then maybe you're right," Jeonghan pouted, an arm finding itself in the crook of Seungcheol's elbow. "Maybe I'll just date Cheol here."

"I thought you weren’t interested," Seungcheol gave him a sheepish smile, doing his best to humor him. Then he turned to the man who held, fixed and broke his heart. "Congratulations Jihoon-ah, Soonyoung-ssi... I'm happy my friend finally found someone. He was a bit reclusive when we were younger."

"He still is sometimes," Soonyoung's smile softens as he looks up at the man in question, and Jihoon looks at him too, a kind of fondness lingering on his face. "But I love him all the same. Wait... You two knew each other?"

 _Like two sides of a coin_. "We shared a boarding house back in college."

"Oh, before he started training?" Soonyoung was intrigued. "What was he like back then?"

"Like I said, a bit reclusive," Seungcheol finally met those eyes, trying to keep his whole being from crumbling. "He was quiet and stubborn and sometimes could rub off on you the wrong way.

But he was also kind-hearted, and could be really tender towards those he cared about. He was really hardworking and passionate, both in his studies and in his music. He was a really great friend to me. I was lucky to have been with him." He smiled ruefully, and the glow dimmed from Jihoon's eyes, conflicted at what to say. But Seungcheol turned to Soonyoung before the other could react.

"Take care of him for me, would you? Haven't seen this idiot in years! Who knew what he got up to?" He laughed, and it hurt, it was so fake, the crude tones of his voice struck a chord in his heart and ripped a muscle with every beat. And Jihoon could tell, Seungcheol knows he can, and from the periphery of his vision, he can see the musician's expression finally shifting from amused to anguished, though he tried to hide it from everyone.

"Yah, Cheol-hyung... Don't be like that," He teased weakly, and they both knew what that statement really meant.

"I'm just looking out for you, you know I worry." He smiled at Jihoon, the familiar set of words bringing him back.

"Oh, you're so fortunate to have had Seungcheol back then!" Soonyoung gushed. "We must absolutely invite him to our wedding!"

"... Of course we will." A perfunctory smile tugged at Jihoon's lips, but again, his eyes showed what he couldn't say.

_Are you alright with this? Are you okay?_

_Will you ever be okay?_

Seungcheol ignored those questions. He has asked himself the same things ever since Jihoon left.

"I'd be honored. You can expect me to be there."

And when he plastered a fake grin onto his face, he knew his eyes told a different answer as well.

___________________

The roses still bothered him. How in the world did they still bother him?

It's barely been minutes since they pulled away from Jihoon and Soonyoung, and already Seungcheol is itching to leave the place, raring to escape from what he believes is turning rapidly into a nightmare. But he couldn't, obviously, so he's made up some excuse to Jeonghan about using the bathroom.

Luckily it didn't reek in there of roses, either.

Seungcheol stared at himself at the mirror, his chest heaving as he tried to make sense of everything he had learned.

He was an idiot, obviously. He should've known Jihoon would find someone else. That kiss... That damned kiss... Why did he think that was enough? A confession never even left Jihoon's mouth, and neither did his own.

_Why did he think Jihoon loved him back then?_

_Why did he spend the past five years thinking Jihoon still loved him anyway?_

"Stupid, stupid Choi Seungcheol," he muttered under his breath. "I knew this would've happened, I knew it was bound to happen..."

"Why can't I accept it? Why can't I let you go?"

The door behind him opened quietly, and Seungcheol quickly looked down, wiped the stray tears from his face.

"Hyung...?"

Great. Of course Jihoon had to follow him. It wouldn't be poetically tragic if he didn't.

"... Are you crying?"

If there were a way to hide from Jihoon at that exact moment, he would've.

"Crying? O-of course not." He finally turned to face the musician, a weary smile on his face. It quickly evaporated when he saw that Jihoon was far from amused.

"Turns out you're also a bad liar too, I guess," Jihoon pinned him against the sink, hands caging Seungcheol from any form of escape. "You're not okay."

A deep sigh. "Yes, I am."

"Stop lying to me."

"I... I'm not."

"Seungcheol—“

"I HAVE TO BE OKAY!" Seungcheol pushed against Jihoon's chest, successful in making the other stagger back a few inches. "I have to learn to be okay for you, Jihoon! If there's any lie that I have to make true, it's this one! And so help me, I've been trying to be okay for the last five years, but it's been almost impossible. Five years," Seungcheol ran a hand through his hair, distraught. "Why did you never contact me? Why didn't you ever stop by? Why didn't I hear a single word from you?"

Jihoon paled, growing uneasier with each moment. "I... I thought..."

"You thought I'd be fine without you?! Well guess what! Without you, I'm a mess. And without hearing from you, I became even more of a mess. You have no idea how much I wish you didn't affect me this way, Hoonie," Seungcheol felt those painful pinpricks on his heart again, and once more he tried to rub it away. "But you do. And the craziest thing was, even if you didn't make as much as a single peep, I still couldn't hate you. I couldn't despise you for not contacting me, or finding me. In fact I tried to find you at first... But when it was clear that you couldn't care less, I stopped. And still I didn't hate you. I worried about you. I wondered what you were doing every single day," Tears started trickling down Seungcheol's face again, the water blurring Jihoon in front of him. "So yeah, you're right. I'm a bad liar. I'm crying. I'm not okay. I was not alright with you breaking your promise. I was devastated the day you left me."

They grew quiet after that; the only sound permeating the room was that of their breath. Then Jihoon came close to Seungcheol once more, and timidly wrapped his arms around him, burying his face on Seungcheol's shoulder. Seungcheol felt too exhausted to move away.

"Seungcheol-hyung... I... I had no idea... I'm sorry... If you told me then I would have stayed..."

"And stopped you from doing what you wanted? I can't be that cruel." Seungcheol sniffed.

"Kind, as always." Jihoon looked up at him, eyes apologetic. "Hyung... I'm sorry. I really am. You're right, I should've tried to contact you. After I left, and I broke off ties with my relatives to go study... I guess I didn’t want you to see how miserable I was. I didn't want you to worry. I should've known you would anyway. I'm really, really, sorry."

His eyes dropped to Seungcheol's lips, and Seungcheol's chest squeezed again. He wanted it, he wanted it badly, but it could never happen. It never should've happened. It was a fluke. An accident. A mistake.

"You never should've done that," He whispered, gently pushing Jihoon away again. "You don't know how much it hurt."

"I do."

"Who's the liar now?"

"Seungcheol," Jihoon's voice hardened slightly, as though it would help prove his point, "I _did_ love you. I loved you more than I thought I could ever love anyone."

Those words should've shaken Seungcheol's core, repaired his broken heart, reawakened his soul. But he only felt tired. Spent. Words said minutes, months, years too late. He doesn't know what to make of them anymore. So what if they loved each other? Their feelings couldn't be more removed from their reality—he's going to get _married_ , for crying out loud!

"Don't. Don't do this. I can't ruin what you and Soonyoung have. It's too precious and good and--and you love him, too. I can see it." Seungcheol wiped his eyes, forcing himself to see the truth. The resigned look on Jihoon's face said it all.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"More than you loved me."

"You don't know that."

"Idiot," He wanted to kiss and punch this man at the same time. "You shouldn't want to know."

And oh, how Seungcheol wanted to know. Would Jihoon still think of him even when there's someone else in his arms? Would he see the light of Soonyoung's eyes and wish for the gleam of his? Would they kiss in the late hours of night and hope it was his lips he were brushing against instead?

Poisonous thoughts.

"You're right," Jihoon laughed in self-deprecation. "I shouldn't." His hand reached out to Seungcheol's before he drew it back again, as though restraining himself. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know."

"I really did love you back then."

"That... That's good to hear." That's all that he could ever get, as usual.

"...I should go now."

"Damn right you should," Seungcheol reached out this time, but he didn't do anything to rile the two of them again. He only fixed Jihoon's tie. "I won't stop you."

Those words, too familiar, too worn out, made Jihoon smile. The same smile after their first and last kiss. One last gift before Seungcheol could begin the most painful process of his life.

"Thank you.... And I'm sorry."

Jihoon left.

And he took the shards of Seungcheol's heart with him.

___________________

Somehow, Seungcheol will learn to let go. Let his heart be discovered and repaired by someone else. Someone will replace the shards stolen with something better.

Maybe it'll take months. Maybe a year. Maybe five. He doesn't know.

He only knows that he has to. Over and over again, he reminds himself he has to.

He can't hold to Jihoon any longer. He no longer has the strength to hold on.

**Author's Note:**

> So about this not really being for svt~ i needed a couple with a musician in it, and JiCheol was just there, perfect for it. And with Soonyoung as the new guy (not the rebound or replacement, per se)? His cheery and oblivious self? Just perfect. Also SoonHoon is one of my otps, my first ever fic on aff was about them :)
> 
> Comments and kudos would be well-appreciated! Love you all~
> 
> If anyone wants to follow me and idk, get updates on fics or just talk abt svt and kpop and other stuff, just follow me on ig @cheol_apple. Its very new and i need friends ._.


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